60 Daft Dating Requirements for Her Ideal Man

I figured it would be funny to share, since everyone who is dating online has a list of the people they will and will not date. This is certainly not set in stone, nor is it really what will make or break someone. I mean, come on, after reading this list, no one fits in the category. A girl can wish, right?

 My ideal man must:

1. Tolerate cats. Not just pretend to like my cat…but tolerate her. FYI, saying you like pussy doesn’t count. Capiche?

2. Have a dog. Not a lap dog, but a man dog. This dog must like to go on runs and hikes.

3.  Likes to hike.

4. Camps {but the kind of camping that has a bathroom or a port-a-hole near by…I don’t squat in the woods}.

5. Drinks beer, but can be man enough to drink a martini here and there. Real men drink gin.

6. Can handle a shot or two of whiskey. Fruity shot men need not apply.

7. He needs to be clean-cut, but dirty. If you look like Opie or Jax from Sons of Anarchy, that fits the description.

8. Unless you are Opie or Jax, then short, clean hair is a must.

9. That being said, he must have hair. Only cue-ball bald is sexy…and that is pushing it.

10. Grey hair is hot. Especially with a little facial 5 o’clock shadow. If there is a beard or a stash…pass.

11. Hair on the head, but no where else, please. Man-scaping a must. I am not a fan of your ch-ch-ch-chia.

12. Gross feet, little feet, and hairy feet…nope.

13. Muscle heads? Woof…

14. Use ‘roids? Nope.

15.  Wear Affliction? Don’t even ask for my number, you Douche-Lord.

16.  Narcissistic? Not for me.

17. Must like to shop. If you don’t like shopping, the least you can do is pretend. Ass holes pouting in corners of the store like the five year old in the fabric shop are not appreciated.

18. Must not play video games with headsets, and call 14 year old boys douche-bags on the other end of the video. Seriously, if you own a headset, don’t freaking even think about it.

19. Likes movies, concerts, plays, and anything cultured. Bonus points for attending musicals and art exhibits.

20. Goes to church, but isn’t a Bible-beater. Faithful, but not fanatical.

21. Rides a Harley.

22. Shoots guns.

23. Wants to do the two above with me, and isn’t afraid of a girl with a firearm.

24. Dances. And not just wiggles the tushy. I mean DANCE. (bump and grind need not apply).

25. Passive-agressive?  PASS PASS PASS.

26. Educated, and sounds like it.

27. Politically aware, but not an ass about it. Everyone has their own opinions, and it is OK if it isn’t yours.

28. Nerdy. Nerdy boys rule. Nerdy and dorky are two different things.

29. Can handle a goof-ball. Yeah, I sing and dance, but can’t sing and dance. Deal with my geekyness.

30. In shape. This man doesn’t have to be perfect…but someone who works out and cares about his body and over-all well being is important.

31. My sister is my best friend. It isn’t going to change, so you better like her.

32. I’m not re-producing. My eggs are grannies, so unless you expect me to birth a gator, forget it.

33. Crazy ex? I’ve had enough crazy to fill a wear house of Coco-Puffs.

34. That goes for the man too. Cucu Clocks need not apply.

35. Like to stalk? Yes? Then I am not your girl.

36. Monitor my every move? That’s a no-go. Trust me, I trust you.

37. Likes a little naughty, but a lot nice. I’m not a tramp. Like tramps? I have some numbers for you.

38. Nice teeth. Even though it is winter, summer is vastly upon us. Summer-teeth are not cute.

39. Drinks. No smoking, no chewing, no drugs.

40.  Likes music. All kinds of music. Touch my dashboard and change my music? Get out of my car.

41.  Cooks for me. Nice dinners with wine? Yes, please.

42. Likes to play board games. Doesn’t pout if he loses.

43. Likes to travel.

44. Willing to travel anywhere, and see anything.

45. Can have a good conversation. A good debate is nice too, but not a one-sided debate.

46. Skis / Snowboards / likes the mountains.

47. Rides bikes, and will ride with me on easy trails. I’m not going face down a mountain. I’m not jacking up my teeth or nose for the sake of sport.

48. Has a boat. Preferably a boat that can go to Lake Powell.

49. Doesn’t live at home with mama.

50. Has a good job. Grown-up jobs only, please.

51.  Will go with me to Disneyland.

52. Tattoos. Damn, a tatted man is a sexy man.

53. Dance with me close, and slowly.

54. It’s ok if you aren’t afraid of tooting. I toot, and you should, too.

55. I burp like Chewbacca. It’s weird. Must be able to burp well enough for the two of us.

56. Laughing is a must. A man must love to laugh.

57. My ideal man will think Mexican food is the best food on the planet. He must eat it with me often.

58. Tall. I’m almost six feet tall. Must think it is cool if I wear 4 inch heels.

59. Likes trashy-television.

60. A manly-man willing to put me first, and love me the most. I need to be loved, ok? This one is not an option.